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This is how she broke my heart

I met my platonic soulmate, Chelsey when I was 21 years old.

I don’t think I realized quite how lonely I had been until we laughed together in the kitchen of our Berkley, California hippie living situation dressed in our long skirts and wool hats…

And I felt truly seen and truly met for the very first time.

She wanted to meditate in the stillest silence ever…

And make love in the loudest ecstasy…

Up until then, I suspected I was the only weirdo on the planet who craved such opposing (and surprisingly similar!) experiences…

But she wanted them, too.

She was my very, very best friend.

And I thought because she loved me – and because we loved each other – we could do anything together.

We finished college together – we travelled the world together – we made money doing slightly illegal things together – and we studied Tantra together and did meditation retreats together.

She was crazy stylish and crazy deep.

Then, when I was 25, she called me and said she never wanted to speak to me or see me again.

My heart broke.

And it was a different kind of pain than I’d felt before.

Sure, men had broken my heart. But I expected them to.

Chelsey was my friend. My chosen sister. She was forever.

Until she wasn’t.

She had her reasons and I can understand where she was coming from…

I was in therapy for my childhood sexual trauma and I was often depressive and could lash out for no reason.

I’d grown up in a family where screaming was the norm and I was pretty intense for her nervous system.

I could be harsh and unforgiving and controlling.

But after I’d processed the deep, deep pain, I wrote her a letter and shared with her that while I could understand her taking space…

What hurt the most was her saying she “never” wanted to see me again…

It felt like she was saying I could never get better.

That I would never overcome my trauma.

That I would never do better than my family taught me.

That I would never decide that my love for other people was stronger than my fear.

And to have my very best friend in the world say that was painful in ways I still don’t fully understand.

I’ve always been able to be close to women in my life…my momma will tell you I always had the very best friends.

But after that…well…it took a while to trust again.

I went through some of the deepest, most lonely years of my life.

So, I know what it can feel like to open yourself up completely to a female friend…

And have her judge you – hurt you – and abandon you.

But one thing I found was that when I pulled back and stopped loving the women in my life as a result…

I was sooooooo lonely.

Oh my god, it was unbearable.

So I started to trust again.

Started to share my deepest fears again.

And the friendships I made filled the deep loneliness in my heart that only female friends can.

I believe we can only really meet each other as women when we are willing to share it all – our highest highs and our lowest lows.

My friend Nisha Moodley said it in a way I love:

“I’ll be there to pop the champagne with you when it’s time to celebrate.

And I’ll be there holding the bucket when it’s time to puke.”

I teach the women in my courses (and I use this all the time in my own life)…

To do a process where you celebrate what you are proud of…

And then share what you fear…

And then what you desire.

It’s so freeing to talk about fears with other women.

In this video, I brought together a group of women who are strangers and asked them to share their fears and desires together.

Watch what happens (and learn the technique to use yourself)

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How to feel closer to the women you love in your life

Okay, this might sound super crazy, but I find that it can be harder to talk to you about sisterhood than sex.

What I mean is…we’ve all been hurt by other women.

We’ve all got fears of being abandoned.

We’ve all felt angry and sad that we aren’t (or weren’t) accepted as ourselves by other women.

And so when I talk about sisterhood…so many times I am met with discomfort.

But, underneath all those fears is a deep longing to connect.

It’s been said before, but I’ll say it as clearly as I can:

One of the key ways women have been disempowered is by breaking their connections with each other.

When I am jealous, threatened, suspicious and fearful of other women…

I am also alone.

And I get to participate in the patriarchal narrative of hating on other women and then usually also myself.

It’s a brilliant way of keeping women isolated.

But when I love other women…when I celebrate them (hard)…when I share intimately with them…

I feel so powerful it’s like nothing can stop me.

Sisterhood used to feel like kind of a lame word to me…

But my experience of it is that it is powerful and vast and deep as all of nature.

That I thrive, literally, because I have sisterhood.

A rich fabric of amazing women that love me.

And what I see over and over again is that most women do not have this –

Even I didn’t fully have the kind I craved until a few years ago.

And that bonding, truly bonding with women can still be so scary and painful.

So, in this 2 part video, I want to share ways that I have found where women can heal the wounds around sisterhood and create their own.

In this video, I share what it means to celebrate other women (and yourself) and how to make that a regular part of your experience with other women.

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The 4 sexual seasons of a woman

This video will make you understand your sexuality as a woman so much more deeply.

(And it might give you total goosebumps)

Most women don’t get that their sexuality is cyclical…

and this is why they push themselves to “perform” in ways that are actually limiting and damaging to their sexuality over time.

This video shares about the sexual seasons and why each one is so important.

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Watch her release her shame around sex

I’ve soooo enjoyed challenging myself to feel more pleasure this week…

What I’ve noticed most is how much more I taste food with this richer connection to how much pleasure I can feel while eating…

And I totally fell more in love with Andrew!

Today I’m sharing with you the last video in my ‘worthy of sexual pleasure’ series…

It was such an incredible experience to connect with Bianca about her sexual shame (especially after motherhood) and to see her grow so much after we released it….

Watch her release her shame around sex below.

And if you want to join the #worthyofpleasure challenge, it’s not too late!

You can just follow the steps below the video and let me know how it goes for you over the next week.

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Watch her claim her sexual pleasure

Have you ever felt unworthy of sexual pleasure?

What would your life be like if you allowed yourself to feel fully worthy of pleasure?

Watch Tyler explore this question with me and take the challenge to increase her worthiness of pleasure for one week below

Then join us in the #worthyofpleasure challenge, where you can increase how much pleasure you allow yourself to feel all week long.

Did you catch what happened to me when I took myself from a Level 8 to a Level 10 at the gym yesterday on Instagram???

Take the challenge below and let us know your results.

Here’s to so much pleasure in your life!!

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