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27 exquisite ways to self-pleasure

One of my most favorite things to do in the whole wide world is masturbation.

There, I said it to 200,000 people and anyone you forward this email to.

I LOVE MASTURBATION.

(Hi Mom! Thanks for supporting me to study sexuality at Stanford University!! I’m making the MOST of it!!!)

Sometimes I wish I could do online dating just because I love writing my profile in my head.

Layla: Sex + Tantra Queen
Interests: sacred masturbation, neuroscience, sex magic, any TV show with vampires, obscure ancient Greek religious practices, meditation, feminism, entrepreneurship, Sanskrit, and quantum physics

DM me if every single thing on this list excites you but does not put you into fear hahahaha.

(Fortunately, Andrew already basically answered this ad six years ago and wasn’t afraid so problem solved….)

Anyways, lots of you have written in asking me about exciting and different ways to self-pleasure…or you’ve never actually self-pleasured before and want to learn how.
For you, I created this video on 27 ways to self-pleasure!!! Enjoy 😉

Please enjoy ALLLLL the ways that our fabulous bodies can experience self-pleasure and if you have any extra suggestions, I want to hear them so put them in the comments!

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3 powerful men share why they chose a powerful partner

Recently, I looked up some of my old middle school classmates on Facebook that I’d had a crush on when I was about 12.

There was Joey, head of the football team. Woodey, the sexy snowboarder. And Nick, the quiet, reserved scientist.

Yes, I crushed on them all. Super hard.

I dreamed about them when I put make-up on for the first time.

I looked for them in class so I could get high off of their presence.

I fantasized about our first kiss(es).

And they all rejected me.

Joey, Woodey, Nick…not one of them wanted to kiss me back. Not on the football field, not on the ski slopes, not in the science lab.

Not in middle school, not in high school. Not ever.

In my despair, I needed to understand what was making me so radically unattractive to these teenage boys…so I looked at who they were choosing instead of me.

Brittany. They really liked Brittany. They also seemed to like Veronica a lot.

Ouch.

And thus started a long and painful road of comparing myself to other women.

Holding myself up to them and deciding that I was unworthy, undesirable, and unwanted in comparison.

It was too painful to sit with my unworthiness all the time, so I started making up stories about what men did and didn’t want. I started to find faults in myself that made the world seem sane and reasonable – there must be something wrong with me.

I internalized a belief system about what men wanted: “Not a powerful, outspoken, leader of a woman, nope, not a nerdy, passionate weirdo.”

I spent a good decade trying to be Brittany or Veronica or any other woman I thought was better than me – and failing miserably.

And I kept carrying those beliefs…

So, when I looked up Joey, Woodey, and Nick on Facebook and saw them not as my teenaged fantasy but as adult men who have chosen very different paths from mine, I was like, “Whoa. You have ascribed your total self-worth and desirability to these men’s opinions and desires from 20 years ago and so have given yourself a lifetime of unnecessary and unreasonable pain.”

I love Facebook for these profound insights.

I realized that I STILL believed that men don’t desire powerful women.

I still believed that my own personal power as a woman was some sort of liability to men desiring me.

Which is crazy because this is literally why Andrew says he loves me.

And all of the men I MOST admire in the world picked powerful women to stand by their side.

My step-dad picked my Mama for over 30 years, until the day he died, and my Mom is seriously powerful.

Johann, who is featured in this video, picked my dear friend Rachel to marry, who is a powerhouse creatrix.

Obama picked Michelle.

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Yes or No? A meditation to help you make any decision

You know when you have those big, intense questions that you ask yourself over and over again… but you can’t take any action until you DECIDE?

Some mega-questions I’ve been asking myself lately are: 

  • Should Andrew and I have children or not?
  • Should I build a Tantra Center where these practices are taught live or just stay online?
  • Will my first book be more “Sex Goddess” or “The Tantric Approach to Life for Women?”

You’re probably facing your own deep set of questions. Some of the most common questions I get asked by you are:

  • Should I stay in this relationship or should I leave?
  • Should I stay in this career or start a new one?
  • Should I do this now or later?

With those big, life-changing decisions, where you just go back and forth in your head…

You can end up super stuck and confused.

So today, I’m sharing with you a potent meditation to help you get unstuck and out of your head so that you can make your big decisions coming from a place of wisdom and truth.  

This is the same process I guide my Sex, Love & Relationship Coaches through to listen to themselves and to be able to chart their own destiny in life. 

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How to know if someone is your soulmate

Sandra, one of my Sex, Love & Relationship Coaching 2017 graduates, asked me last week at my Mexico retreat in a sort of dreamy, hopeful voice:

“Did you know right away that Andrew was your soulmate?”

I almost busted out laughing and had to tell her the real truth:

“Not only was I not sure back when we met that he was my soulmate, but I actually felt like there was no way we had any future together….”

I’m honestly still not sure all the time that he’s my soulmate. In fact, I just got off the phone with my relationship coach where I was like, “Uggggghhh, this CAN’T be what love feels like?!? CAN IT!?!”

Now, let me back up for a second and say that if you look on the outside, Andrew and I have an incredible relationship:

  • We are still deeply sexually attracted to each other.
  • Our love grows more powerful and intense the longer we are together.
  • Since we got together, we’ve both grown leaps and bounds into our highest and most authentic expression of ourselves.
  • Oh, and we built this whole little blog/change-the-world/heal-the-planet project together….

And if you see us from the outside, you’d probably imagine that it feels all dreamy-lovey-perfect-romancy inside.

Let me tell you: it does not feel that way, haha.

Actually, that’s not totally true.

It feels all dreamy-lovey-perfect-romancy about 2% of the time on a good day.

But it also feels a lot like:

  • Oh, God, I can’t believe I’m with this outrageously wrong person for me.
  • Gee, I think that surfer dude/successful entrepreneur/comedian would be a WAY better choice for me right now.
  • I HATE YOU.
  • How did I end up with such a loser when I am so clearly the most AMAZING and PERFECT human on the planet! 😡😡😡
  • Oh God, how did I end up with the most AMAZING and PERFECT human on the planet when I am such an enormous loser. 😭😭😭

And many, many other feelings.

As my relationship coach Annie Lalla says: “True Love is not just the experience of the white light of love. It’s a rainbow, where true love includes every possible emotion, experience and desire.”

Now, let me tell you, that might sound like fun and it’s definitely not boring…

But if you were hoping for a fairytale romance (like we were all taught is the natural thing that happens when you are with your soulmate) then this rainbow experience of love feels WRONG.

You search and you search for the white light….

The princely dude who saves you by seeing you deeper than you could ever see yourself and makes all your dreams come true with incredibly romantic daily gestures…

Or the queen who is a constant sex-goddess, but also endlessly compassionate and loving and always creates peace and happiness in your life.

If you’re waiting for that and you get someone that makes you want to tear your hair out, run for the hills and cry sometimes, you will be extremely confused.

In fact, you will probably judge them and leave or sabotage the whole thing until they leave you.

This is the heart of why humans have such a hard time right now creating lasting, meaningful, and deep relationships that are also sexually alive and passionate….

Everything we have been taught about relationships is. so. wrong.

And those wrong teachings have real-world results: divorce, cheating, numbness, or an inability to commit in the first place.

We think it’s all rainbows and butterflies and we miss the soulmate standing in front of us.

Andrew is my soulmate…not because of how he makes me feel but because our love together has turned me into the woman I truly am and have always desired to be.

And his love can be fierce, it can be annoying, it can show up in ways that don’t feel like love to me.

And I am Andrew’s soulmate because our love has turned him into the man he truly is and has always desired to be.

Sometimes that process has felt SO magical it brings tears to my eyes.

Sometimes it’s like pulling teeth.

And no, I don’t always recognize it for what it is because when shit gets hard, sometimes I’ll start fantasizing about Brad Pitt circa 1992 and how we would do something so amazing right now where Andrew is clearly doing the wrong thing.

Sometimes I’ll go back to my cultural brainwashing that says my soulmate is supposed to always feel good and I’ll miss the current lesson my soulmate is offering me.

This is the point: if you don’t know what true love really feels like, you can miss your soulmate altogether and spend a lifetime chasing fairytales.

Want to know how to know if someone is your soulmate? Check out today’s video below:

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How Kundalini energy changes sex forever

I had my first strong Kundalini energy awakening about 11 years ago during a breathwork session in the mountains outside of Santa Barbara.

I was breathing and breathing in a session where I really wanted to heal my childhood trauma and my body started to vibrate and buzz in indescribable ways.

When I finished the session, I walked outside into nature and it was like everything was in full technicolor aliveness!!! I could feel the consciousness in everything.

I knew that life would never be the same and my heart was overflowing with this knowledge that I was so much more magical and powerful than I ever could have imagined!!

So, after 11 years of honoring this energy, working with it, and watching it evolve through my body (and countless students and clients as well!!)…I’ve learned so much about the intricacies of this sacred consciousness.

One thing I want to share with you today is that some of the phenomena can feel scary or strange if you didn’t grow up in a culture that honored and acknowledged Kundalini energy awakening (like India!)…

As a result, many people can get scared when their energy starts to wake up and can subconsciously shut it back down.

One thing that so many people don’t understand is that sex is just like meditation: it elevates and awakens your consciousness and energy (if done properly!).

So sex, especially deep sex or Tantric sex, can produce a Kundalini awakening.

Unfortunately, in Western society, most of us were taught to fear the phenomena that are the portals to our greatest spiritual empowerment and personal connection to our own inner magic.

In this weeks video, I’ll share with you what you can expect if your Kundalini starts awakening during sex and how to support yourself so that you can open up to the full vibrational aliveness that it offers.

Most of the practices that I teach will eventually lead to a strong activation of inner aliveness and energy, so it’s important to know what to expect and how to care for yourself.

Also, there are a lot of “scary” things out there written about Kundalini energy and a lot of fear around it in some circles.

In my experience working with it for 11 years, if you respect it, honor it, work with it, and follow your own inner guidance and truth, it’s a supremely beautiful path. Sure, there are twists and turns and intense experiences, but what did you expect if you were going to become fully alive?!?

When properly guided, I’ve seen hundreds upon hundreds of people experience this awakening process in deeply integrated and self-loving ways.

The people I’ve seen in other communities who experience something damaging or scary often didn’t have any guidance or pushed and pushed in a very unintegrated way.

It would be like driving a sports car at 250 mph off-road with no driver’s license. There isn’t anything wrong with the car, there’s something really off about the way you’re choosing to drive it. Get back on the road and slow down, you know what I mean?

Kundalini energy is goddess energy. Worship her, respect her, work with her…and you’ll awaken to levels of beauty beyond what you ever could have imagined.

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