Posted on November 15, 2018
If you ask any of my friends how much permission I give myself, they’ll probably tell you “a lot.”
I burp at the table. (Sorry, Mom)
I wear lots of glitter, velvet, gold and faux fur (at the same time).
I tell people my truth (even when it’s a hard truth that they don’t want to hear).
I dance and laugh like I’m having a full-body orgasm (because I usually am).
I will tell strangers about the infinite wisdom of pussy and the benefits of sex magic (because I’m here to make these things mainstream).
But I knew there were places where I still lived in a little cage of my own creation…
Places where I don’t give myself full permission.
Because I’m afraid people won’t like me.
Because I’m afraid people will judge me.
Because I’m afraid of being fully alive and powerful.
(Can you relate?)
So I challenged myself for a day (that turned into two days) to give myself full permission…
And filmed it all…and this is what happened… Keep Reading →
Posted on November 8, 2018
When I read a bunch of news reports recently on men and women who feel sad after sex…
After sex, I used to sob and sob and sob and sob.
Sometimes I cried so hard, I totally freaked out my partner.
In my case, at that time in my life (very early adulthood)…
I was sad after (and even during) sex because I had a TON of unprocessed sexual trauma.
It wasn’t until years into my healing journey that that sort of sobbing stopped.
But I also get sad for other reasons.
Sometimes with Andrew, sex is sooooo beautiful…
And I feel so ecstatic…so alive…so free…so…female…
That I sob as soon as I realize how sexual repression, trauma and negativity has ripped this experience from so many women’s lives.
Sometimes I cry because I have such an amazing orgasm and I’m grieving all the years in my life when that felt so unreachable.
Sometimes I cry because I love Andrew so much.
Sometimes I cry because even though I love Andrew so much, I still feel alone.
Basically…I get sad after sex a LOT.
And if I’m doing it…I bet you’re doing it, too.
I’d love to normalize it, so that if you do get sad after sex…
You can embrace it.
You can talk about it.
You can cry freely and have your partner support you.
It isn’t weird, or abnormal or wrong…
It’s just human.
Sex makes us feel.
And wow, there is so much to feel sad about.
Do you get sad after sex?
Do you know why?
Find out why 40% of people feel sad after sex below
Posted on November 1, 2018
Sometimes I really don’t want to have sex with Andrew.
Like straight up, sometimes I’d rather have invasive dental surgery than have sex.
Uggggg…I know…it’s not something I feel amazing about.
And if you’ve ever been in a long-term relationship, you can probably relate.
That being said, what always blows my mind is that when we do end up making love – despite the resistance – it’s freaking amazing 98% of the time.
So why the resistance?
Well, that’s a whole other huge topic I’ll be writing to you soon about.
But in the meantime, I want to tell you what gets me through the resistance and back into the pleasure.
It’s not pressuring myself to have intercourse…
But connecting with Andrew erotically in different ways.
We do sexual things without the pressure for…
P into V, if you know what I mean.
What do we do instead?
Discover the 3 practices we use to connect intimately in the video below
I’m super passionate about sharing these practices because SO many couples long for connection…
But intercourse just feels like too much…
Or the pressure shuts you down…
But when you give yourself the space to connect erotically without that pressure…
So many amazing things can happen.
I also love these practices for new moms…
Who often long for erotic connection…
But don’t desire intercourse.
And this gives you the option to connect deeply without that pressure.
Posted on October 25, 2018
I met my platonic soulmate, Chelsey when I was 21 years old.
I don’t think I realized quite how lonely I had been until we laughed together in the kitchen of our Berkley, California hippie living situation dressed in our long skirts and wool hats…
And I felt truly seen and truly met for the very first time.
She wanted to meditate in the stillest silence ever…
And make love in the loudest ecstasy…
Up until then, I suspected I was the only weirdo on the planet who craved such opposing (and surprisingly similar!) experiences…
But she wanted them, too.
She was my very, very best friend.
And I thought because she loved me – and because we loved each other – we could do anything together.
We finished college together – we travelled the world together – we made money doing slightly illegal things together – and we studied Tantra together and did meditation retreats together.
She was crazy stylish and crazy deep.
Then, when I was 25, she called me and said she never wanted to speak to me or see me again.
My heart broke.
And it was a different kind of pain than I’d felt before.
Sure, men had broken my heart. But I expected them to.
Chelsey was my friend. My chosen sister. She was forever.
Until she wasn’t.
She had her reasons and I can understand where she was coming from…
I was in therapy for my childhood sexual trauma and I was often depressive and could lash out for no reason.
I’d grown up in a family where screaming was the norm and I was pretty intense for her nervous system.
I could be harsh and unforgiving and controlling.
But after I’d processed the deep, deep pain, I wrote her a letter and shared with her that while I could understand her taking space…
What hurt the most was her saying she “never” wanted to see me again…
It felt like she was saying I could never get better.
That I would never overcome my trauma.
That I would never do better than my family taught me.
That I would never decide that my love for other people was stronger than my fear.
And to have my very best friend in the world say that was painful in ways I still don’t fully understand.
I’ve always been able to be close to women in my life…my momma will tell you I always had the very best friends.
But after that…well…it took a while to trust again.
I went through some of the deepest, most lonely years of my life.
So, I know what it can feel like to open yourself up completely to a female friend…
And have her judge you – hurt you – and abandon you.
But one thing I found was that when I pulled back and stopped loving the women in my life as a result…
I was sooooooo lonely.
Oh my god, it was unbearable.
So I started to trust again.
Started to share my deepest fears again.
And the friendships I made filled the deep loneliness in my heart that only female friends can.
I believe we can only really meet each other as women when we are willing to share it all – our highest highs and our lowest lows.
My friend Nisha Moodley said it in a way I love:
“I’ll be there to pop the champagne with you when it’s time to celebrate.
And I’ll be there holding the bucket when it’s time to puke.”
I teach the women in my courses (and I use this all the time in my own life)…
To do a process where you celebrate what you are proud of…
And then share what you fear…
And then what you desire.
It’s so freeing to talk about fears with other women.
In this video, I brought together a group of women who are strangers and asked them to share their fears and desires together.
Watch what happens (and learn the technique to use yourself)
Posted on October 18, 2018
Okay, this might sound super crazy, but I find that it can be harder to talk to you about sisterhood than sex.
What I mean is…we’ve all been hurt by other women.
We’ve all got fears of being abandoned.
We’ve all felt angry and sad that we aren’t (or weren’t) accepted as ourselves by other women.
And so when I talk about sisterhood…so many times I am met with discomfort.
But, underneath all those fears is a deep longing to connect.
It’s been said before, but I’ll say it as clearly as I can:
One of the key ways women have been disempowered is by breaking their connections with each other.
When I am jealous, threatened, suspicious and fearful of other women…
I am also alone.
And I get to participate in the patriarchal narrative of hating on other women and then usually also myself.
It’s a brilliant way of keeping women isolated.
But when I love other women…when I celebrate them (hard)…when I share intimately with them…
I feel so powerful it’s like nothing can stop me.
Sisterhood used to feel like kind of a lame word to me…
But my experience of it is that it is powerful and vast and deep as all of nature.
That I thrive, literally, because I have sisterhood.
A rich fabric of amazing women that love me.
And what I see over and over again is that most women do not have this –
Even I didn’t fully have the kind I craved until a few years ago.
And that bonding, truly bonding with women can still be so scary and painful.
So, in this 2 part video, I want to share ways that I have found where women can heal the wounds around sisterhood and create their own.
In this video, I share what it means to celebrate other women (and yourself) and how to make that a regular part of your experience with other women.