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We almost broke up before I learned this

I have spent a lot of time feeling underwhelmed by the men in my life.

In my relationships and dating, I’ve often felt like I was sitting around waiting for him to commit, waiting for him to grow up, waiting for him to evolve sexually, spiritually, emotionally…

Waiting for him to meet me in the way that I desire…

While I sat around on my high horse…perfect…and waiting.

Can you relate?

And every time he didn’t please me, meet me, show up for me…

I got more and more bitter and angry and then crushed him in subtle and not-so-subtle ways.

(Augghhhh! I’m saying it! It’s true! It’s so embarrassing!)

This behaviour destroyed many of my relationships, and it damn near destroyed my relationship with Andrew…

Until I learned how to be an Initiatress.

What I discovered from observing my own life…and so many lives of women around me…

Is that most of us are sitting around waiting for the men to show up, waiting for the men to be fully conscious, waiting for the men to practice tantra (finally, jeez…)…

And I was like, Why the hell are we sitting around waiting?

To me, it is a deep, deep conditioning that men ‘need to lead’.

But what if that’s not how it’s supposed to be?

What if women were always supposed to lead in sex and love and consciousness?

At least…what if we’re meant to initiate…

And once we’ve opened the door…and seduced him into it…and initiated him…

Then he initiates you…

And then you initiate him…

And suddenly, you’re on the cycle you so crave to be on together….

What if this was what you were waiting for all along?

But it takes you and me saying, “Wait a minute…maybe I’m not supposed to sit around and wait for a man to do all these things….”

“What if I used my truth, my energy, my wisdom, my sparkle to inspire him into these higher places?”

That’s an Initiatress.

(Oh, and if he doesn’t respond? Then maybe he’s not your guy. But if you never step into your role as Initiatress, you’ll never know the full potential of your relationship.)

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How to heal sexual pain naturally

{Warning! This email contains sensitive topics so you may want to read this email in a space where you can relax and take care of yourself!}

When I was 23 years old, I finally went to therapy for abuse I had experienced as a child.

I discovered a whole bunch of things…like how numb I was in my whole body and how I lived in a constant state of terror inside.

As I unpacked the most uncomfortable feelings…

I also started to feel a lot of sexual pain for the first time in my life.

I had this burning inside of my vagina that felt so painful it was hard to do anything.

My period cramps became excruciatingly painful.

I always knew that there was a link between the emotions of sex and sexual pain or sexual issues.

It makes sense…if you are afraid, or disgusted, or feel negative about sexuality or your body…

you’ll unconsciously clamp up inside.

Just like you curl into a little ball when you’re afraid…I see it like your vagina or womb or pelvic floor curls into a little ball to hide.

And that tension leads to pain and stagnant energy…

which leads to sexual health issues.

It’s been scientifically shown that women who feel more disgust experience more pain during sex.

I think it goes much deeper than that…the way we feel about our sexuality and our bodies…

affects our whole sexual system.

Negative emotions around sexuality can lead to period cramps, vulvodynia, and even sexual health issues like endometriosis or fibroids.

While I respect Western medicine and always recommend checking in with a doctor and making the best possible decision for yourself…

I also think that sex negativity and violence in our culture is most definitely affecting our sexual health as women.

And this is important because if you don’t know this, you might think you’re broken.

You’re not broken.

You just live in a sex-negative society and your body can internalize that.

So, this video is about acknowledging that….and then seeing how you can start to heal.

Let’s remove the sex negativity inside and out…

and let’s let our pelvic floors, wombs, and vaginas stop having to curl into little balls to protect themselves…

and start expanding into pleasure, joy, celebration, and thriving.

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Full permission to do whatever you desire today

If you ask any of my friends how much permission I give myself, they’ll probably tell you “a lot.”

I burp at the table. (Sorry, Mom)

I wear lots of glitter, velvet, gold and faux fur (at the same time).

I tell people my truth (even when it’s a hard truth that they don’t want to hear).

I dance and laugh like I’m having a full-body orgasm (because I usually am).

I will tell strangers about the infinite wisdom of pussy and the benefits of sex magic (because I’m here to make these things mainstream).

But I knew there were places where I still lived in a little cage of my own creation…

Places where I don’t give myself full permission.

Because I’m afraid people won’t like me.

Because I’m afraid people will judge me.

Because I’m afraid of being fully alive and powerful.

(Can you relate?)

So I challenged myself for a day (that turned into two days) to give myself full permission…

And filmed it all…and this is what happened… Keep Reading →

Why I cry after sex

When I read a bunch of news reports recently on men and women who feel sad after sex…

I froze.

After sex, I used to sob and sob and sob and sob.

Sometimes I cried so hard, I totally freaked out my partner.

In my case, at that time in my life (very early adulthood)…

I was sad after (and even during) sex because I had a TON of unprocessed sexual trauma.

It wasn’t until years into my healing journey that that sort of sobbing stopped.

But I also get sad for other reasons.

Sometimes with Andrew, sex is sooooo beautiful…

And I feel so ecstatic…so alive…so free…so…female…

That I sob as soon as I realize how sexual repression, trauma and negativity has ripped this experience from so many women’s lives.

Sometimes I cry because I have such an amazing orgasm and I’m grieving all the years in my life when that felt so unreachable.

Sometimes I cry because I love Andrew so much.

Sometimes I cry because even though I love Andrew so much, I still feel alone.

Basically…I get sad after sex a LOT.

And if I’m doing it…I bet you’re doing it, too.

I’d love to normalize it, so that if you do get sad after sex…

You can embrace it.

You can talk about it.

You can cry freely and have your partner support you.

It isn’t weird, or abnormal or wrong…

It’s just human.

Sex makes us feel.

And wow, there is so much to feel sad about.

Do you get sad after sex?

Do you know why?

Find out why 40% of people feel sad after sex below

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3 ways to have sex without intercourse

Sometimes I really don’t want to have sex with Andrew.

Like straight up, sometimes I’d rather have invasive dental surgery than have sex.

Uggggg…I know…it’s not something I feel amazing about.

And if you’ve ever been in a long-term relationship, you can probably relate.

That being said, what always blows my mind is that when we do end up making love – despite the resistance – it’s freaking amazing 98% of the time.

So why the resistance?

Well, that’s a whole other huge topic I’ll be writing to you soon about.

But in the meantime, I want to tell you what gets me through the resistance and back into the pleasure.

It’s not pressuring myself to have intercourse…

But connecting with Andrew erotically in different ways.

We do sexual things without the pressure for…

P into V, if you know what I mean.

What do we do instead?

Discover the 3 practices we use to connect intimately in the video below

I’m super passionate about sharing these practices because SO many couples long for connection…

But intercourse just feels like too much…

Or the pressure shuts you down…

But when you give yourself the space to connect erotically without that pressure…

So many amazing things can happen.

I also love these practices for new moms…

Who often long for erotic connection…

But don’t desire intercourse.

And this gives you the option to connect deeply without that pressure.

Keep Reading →