How to be successful and powerful in a feminine way

One of the most common complaints I hear from my female clients (and some of the men!) is that they felt they had to shut down their sensitivity, emotions and connection to their body in order to get ahead and be effective in their male-dominated work environments. The attitude of mind-over-matter and the heroic ability to be able to function in any situation, under any circumstances has its place, and its benefits – however, many women, after years of this attitude, find themselves physically and emotionally exhausted, often with health problems, and feeling out of touch.

There is a certain power in the prevalent attitude of pushing, just doing it, and carrying on. However most of this action is carried out through the power of the conscious mind, often overriding the signals of the body. Our society tends to perceive this mental control as being superior because it is less mysterious and unpredictable than the other source of often-overlooked power: the body and the sensations of the body.

My experience is that many of us have learned to override the signals of our body because in a fast-pace world of needing to get shit done as much as possible the ever- changing signals of the body, reflecting the unconscious mind, are often considered bothersome, and an obstacle to success. It is seen that the seemingly predictable ability of the conscious mind to control a situation is the way forward – almost like trusting in a barking army general inside your head to keep the legions of cadets in order. There is a place and an effectiveness for a commanding army general in those rare moments where we need to make quick paced executive decision, often related to survival. However, if you are continuously living this way, you are continuously preparing yourself for war, for conflict, and for de-humanizing the individual needs of your body. Not exactly the ideal situation to create relaxation, pleasure and trust – qualities in which the feminine body thrives.

So what is the feminine approach to power and success? Where is the deep source of feminine power and how can you access it?

This power is in the body and the unconscious mind. We often think of the body as weaker than the mind – but tell me – is there more power in thinking about punching someone in the face, or actually punching someone in the face? Exactly.

And all of those commands being issued from your mind – get up, do this, act like that, be like this – are only accessing the tiniest portion of the deep, deep power of your mind, what lies in the unconscious. Accessing feminine power is about listening to those signals in the body, and harnessing that massive power of the body and the unconscious mind to support you in life.

Here are 5 keys to getting out of the burn-out and exhaustion of running your body and emotions from that army general in your head, and sitting down into your true source of feminine power:

  1. Rest when you’re tired. Move away from someone you get a bad feeling from. It sounds simple, it’s often difficult for women to really follow. Eat when you’re hungry.
  2. Trust your body: As soon as women read number #1, they often say: but my body wants a huge piece of cake when I’m not really hungry and it’s always tired and I don’t need to sleep. The current state can be like a broken relationship – you haven’t really listened for so long that your body can be way out of whack. The only way back to sanity is to start somewhere. Make an agreement with your body that you will listen to it, and ask your body to give you true, accurate signals about what is the healthiest, most loving choice for you. Like any relationship, it may take some time.
  3. Sit down in your power – see what it feels like when you take your predominant sense of awareness out of your head and into your lower belly. It may feel uncomfortable at first – but you can feel the difference when someone walks into the room who is living in their head, versus someone who rests in their belly. Think of the difference between an intellectual and a professional belly dancer. They have a different feel to them, and it’s coming from the relationship to the body. You can be an intellectual with the body-relationship of a belly-dancer. That is real feminine power.
  4. Follow your gut feeling: that first flash of sensation you get when you hear of a new job offer or meet a new stranger – follow it – without fail. It may lead you to unexpected places, but it is the only real compass you’ve been given. Trust it.
  5. Love yourself. Seriously. If women took all of the energy they throw into critiquingthemselves, berating themselves, questioning themselves, and trying to fit into an outdated power structure and they decided, once and for all, to use it in the service of self-love – we would radically change the whole world. A woman who loves herself – all of her flaws and shadows and insecurities and weaknesses and strengths and power is an absolute force to be reckoned with. If you combine passion, with self-love – nothing, and I mean nothing can stop you.